Illustration: Nishant Choksi for the Guardian

Let’s face it, in recent months it has sometimes felt as if the Labour party is being led by a man rocking the political boat so gently that nobody outside Westminster has noticed that he has even got a boat. And now his friends inside Westminster are muttering ever more loudly about his suitability for the top job, and wondering how long their boss can continue on his leaky vessel, veering towards the region of electoral shit creek with a diminishing number of paddles.

All of these analyses and analogies end up at the same more serious point, which is that the leader of the opposition suffers from a charisma deficit, and that it’s this deficit, not the economic one, that might end up costing him the job of prime minister. Charisma being that magical, ineffable stuff that can turn a brainbox into a popular brainbox, or a charmless man into a charming one. Yet the funny thing is that people who spend actual time with Ed all say the same thing: that he is convincing and heartfelt close up, not to mention rather handsome, in case you cared about that kind of thing. He’s just one of those people who doesn’t work on television, and our elections are still won, largely, via that screen in our living rooms.

It’s surprising, though, that we haven’t got over the alpha thing and decided to allow the geek to inherit the Earth. When I was younger, the telly was full of Knight Rider and Miami Vice and Dynasty, shows that revolved around the smooth, suave ways of Americans. Even the endless repeats of Happy Days centred on the Fonz’s charisma – the effect he had by simply walking into a room was basically the entire plot of the show, and it ran forever. But it was also, crucially, the joke.

Since then, of course, we’ve moved on to The Office, The Mighty Boosh, the IT Crowd, the new Doctor Who and The Great British Bake Off. These are programmes built on massively uncool geekery, dorks and dweebs obsessing about the details. Ed Miliband has told us he can do a Rubik cube, from start to finish, in 90 seconds. With credentials like that, you would think he’d fit right in.

Let’s not forget who last led the Labour party with enormous charisma: Tony Blair. It was revealed this week, via a leaked document, that he brokered a secret deal to give the Saudi royal family access to his friends in the Chinese government, so that they could sell them oil, for which Blair would receive a percentage. Tony Blair Associatesmakes a reported £8m a year from the Kazahkstan government, and the same again from the rulers of Kuwait, to pluck but two gigs from our former leader’s ever-bulging portfolio. Blair can do this because, unlike Miliband, he’s very good at connecting with people, including some of the worst people in the world.

And it’s charisma that allows David Cameron to spin a sad story about the death of his son into proof that the NHS is safe in his hands, something anyone who has visited a hospital recently, or tried to access mental health services, knows to be patently untrue. It’s this focus on building your popularity, rather than your backbone, that sees Miliband courting the Ukip vote by trying to talk tough on immigration, which leaves a bitter taste in the mouths of so many people who actually want to vote Labour. We don’t need charisma in our politicians. What we want is courage.